My dreams

Walking through the dream
I see you Defeating my fears and overpowering them
Wandering through my imaginations I see you
Giving me strength and support
Walking in the darkness I see you
Bringing new hope and life

Searching round the place I see you
You fill the empty space in my heart
Rushing through my fantasies I see you
Praying that this moment never ends
Lingering deep in my doubts I see you
If I would wish upon the stars
I would wish to see you pausing the moment we have

Wow , its amazing how time flies ! I sometimes feel like time is like the sand in an hour glass. Things have just changed so fast . Not long ago I was in summer . A season full of life , fresh fruits everywhere . If I were to live last summer , I think I would take my chances .Last summer has been like a lesson for me learn .

Fall is here , everything has changed .From green leaves to yellow leaves . Looks like gold in the ground .Life escaping from the vegetation , which was full of life .The gloomy weather is just making it worse. The gloomier the weather , the gloomier my emotions become .heheheh
Just like green leaves to yellow leaves, so are changes in my life . From 2nd year to 3rd year ,friends to strangers , nightmares to dreams , friends to lovers. Well maybe life is like seasons .New things happen and we have to learn from them like a transitional period we go through .

~Photos taken by : Wong Yih~

See that woman in that photo smilling ? That's my mother , My sweet mother. I cant even explain how I feel about her because It can take time for me to describe her.The most wonderful person in the whole wide world.

Her shouts made me alert , "Falles !" she would shout if I did something out of line . Its weird because now I cant hear her say my name because I am far .

Love so clear , a mother displays. She always said 1 day I will be on my own and have to make tough decisions in life. Oh Mother ! I wish It was that easy .

Did I also say she has been my teacher from secondary school ? I hated that part because If she punished other students they would hate me for that . After class it would be an argument such that my cousin Nyuma and I would scold her for making people she punished end the furry on us! " Thats not my fault , you misbehave I will straighten you !" That's how she defended herself.

When it comes to cooking , mum has her way of punishing us if we dont prepare dinner on time . " So you are here Snoring while my husband is awake and ready to go to work to earn for your stomachs! ahhhhh I know why you are not cooking , Because its not your husband " hahaha that always hurts till now .

When school stresses me , all I do is pick up the phone and call her to get her motivation . Shes my bestfriend, My role model and my number 1 fan . No words can express the Love i have for her . Love you Mum , Youre my hero .I thank God for a woman like you, For moulding me to be the person I am . I will go out of line sometimes but know this : I will one day make you proud . HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

My mom only had one eye, I hated her because I thought that she was an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family. There was this one day in primary school where my mom came to Say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'hahahah, your mom only has one eye!' I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear.I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only going to make me a Laughing stock, why don't you just die?' My mom did not respond.... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was obliviously not considering her feelings.

I wanted to be out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Some years passed without me thinking or missing her .I later got married , bought a house of my own and finally had kids of my own.I never told my children about their grandmother because she was not part of my new happy life . I was happy and comfortable .

One day my mother came to visit me.She was a bit older now and paler. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren. When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, I was furious and yelled at her for coming over uninvited. 'How dare you come to my house and scare my children!' GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!' My mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,' She disappeared out of my sight , I was not even filled with guilt .

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbours said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

'My dearest son.
I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up. You see,when you were very little, you got into an accident and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. With all my love to you,
Your mother

An ocean of tears flooded my eyes. I was able to see properly because my mother sacrifised her eye for me .I wish she told me that before my hatred for her grew . I wish I would rewind the sands of time and be kind to her just as she was to me . Oh LORD its too late !

The Joy of learning?Say a word !!Who came up with that crazy phrase ?
Thats how I have been feeling for the past 1 week . I started thinking that I was suffering from depression because of Biochemistry . I just hated the fact that I was studying under pressure. When the final studying day came my head got fed up and said Enough!!!hahahaha
I went there with My God and He helped me conquer . Thank you all for your best wishes because they motivated me . Not forgetting the verses some of you gave me to read when my head was overheating I appreciate it .

Imagine today I have slept for 12 hours after a week of sleeping for 3 hours ..hehehe I am free for now , I mean for Now because the war is still going on .heheheh

One thing I have come realise is that this is a big world , so its easy for a person to get lost in it . It a big world full of different experiences which can swerve you from this side and that side . I am just a big little girl who is wandering about , trying to face to facts of life and some reality .

Sometimes I end up being lonely but the question is do I keep away from people I am close to because I am weak ? Do I end up being depressed because I always have expectations in people ?What am I to do if that friend of mine doesn't act towards my expectations ? Should I keep on fighting ? What about that person who made promises that made me happy and broke them ?
I am just on the verge of finding the unanswered questions which pop in my mind time after time .

Some people say Life is what you make but I think sometimes its not up to us to decide our destiny and our happiness. I feel like Life is like a dancehall and God is the DJ so better dance to the music played then .Someone told me that life is like a journey , you should just walk and not look back because something might be gaining on you , something from your past . Another person didn't agree with that, she told me that to walk in the path of life you need to watch both ways so that you are ready for anything that comes on your way .But my perception is that you should do a little bit of both .

I sometimes do things which I know the devastating results yet I pursue , when the devastation comes I fall like a log cut off from a tree I guess that human . Maybe I do that because this is life and sometimes its better to try other than regret .I am speaking this from experience because of what I did , I never wanted to miss a chance and then regret . We sometimes do the wrong things for the right reasons which other people can not understand.One thing which is left are the memories no one can take away and the feeling left inside not forgetting the consequences you are facing.

Ive met many people in my life and have come to realise that we should never takes people for granted because you might not know the aftermath .Being under some alone self evaluation to know the direction of my life after some mess I have made . I am trying to clean that up although I have realised that life can be like a window pane and the mistakes are the mess . Some mess is just tough to cleanse even after it rains.hahahaha!