My dreams

That summer day we first met

What do you do if what used to be there is not there anymore ? Do you just stand aside and let things go ? Do you have to fight for what you believe in ? Some things are not easy to overcome . Memories are the ones that make us think twice about our actions . But what If that other person doesnt want to be in it anymore ?

She is in a wreck

Gained too much weight ?Bad hair Day ?Dark spots and face pimples ? Small hips ? putting on a small A cup? Have a large D cup?When was the last time you went to a doctor and had a mammogram?When was the last time you performed a simple breast test ?

She laid there in agony wishing the pain would go away . She had high expectations, hopes and everything ready.She just wished the pain would go away , the more the pain came the more the expectations increased .At 11:30 am it finally came , It was a girl !!She held her tiny bundle of joy and smiled as the baby kept quiet after crying for a long time.That was my first experience in obstretics , am just looking forward to more amazing Mother-baby experiences. I am getting there!

Am going through depression, stress not to mention

That was the sign that Welcomed her on her first day there. All nervous and not knowing what will come of this day she just prayed in her heart to God for His guidance . Walking Past the corridors , there was this sinking feeling in her . Will she be good enough ? Will she be able to survive the storm ? Will she be able to face the coming obstacles ? There he was with a welcoming smile ,teaching her how to go about . She felt happy and relieved, the sinking feeling had vapourised .He was her mentor and her Role model."Will I ever be as successful as him ?" She asked herself as she saw interns coming in and out of the exam room consulting this middle aged man for important opinions.

I have this sinking feeling ,

Thats right ! Back to waking up and wishing that I would throw my phone through the window ( I cant do that !!!Am I insane ??)Back to wishing that I would freeze time and sleep peacefully like a baby in the arms of the mother .Back to studying and doing homeworks ..Tests , Multiple choice questions as well as practicals are part of the ride ...Back to wishing that I was home living a merry wonderful life with my family and friends ..Back to wishing summer was here :)

The one whose part of traits and character I possess
The one who smiled with joy the day I made him to be called a father
The one who patiently watched me take my first steps in life
The one who left me at that nursery school door everyday
The one who was amongst the happy people after I said the alphabet correctly
He is my Dad

The one who got my report cards after my mother hands them over to him
The one who showered me with gifts everytime I progressed in class
The one who would back me up whenever I needed defence
The one who brought extremely delicious food from the hotel conventions he attended
The one who took me to his office and let me play around while hes working
He is my Dad

The one who was filled with Joy when I was selected to secondary school
The one who gave me extra pocket money when I needed it
The one who convienced me and told me that 1 day I will be a doctor
The one who taught me to be tough when tough situations come
He is my Dad

The one who will be the father of that girl walking infront to get her medical degree
The one who will be happy and filled with joy
The one who say "my daughter is a doctor !"
The one who will one day hold my hand and walk me down the isle
The one who will tell him to take good care of me
The one who will be a proud father and Grandfather
He is my Dad

Its unbelievable how time flies . People come in our lives and sometimes we don't cherish them to the extent of them knowing how much they mean to us . SFC has had people who came and made changes .They have been our friends , advisers, teachers ,sisters , parents and a lot more .Its never the right time to say good bye to people you have known and who have become part of our family .

To Yamikani:
Many things to say about you but hey , I don't want to be biased do I ? You were one of those strong pillars of SFC , you always came up with ideas on how to make SFC better . You are a good listener and a good motivator . We shall miss your short motivating speeches . Remember you said that one of the things you want to do in life is publish a book ? Go for it girl ! SFC will buy your book and we shall require you autograph when that piece get published .Its going to be weird because you were one of those people I would speak chichewa too , I think I would call you a white Elephant . We shall miss you Yamie !!


To Manyo:
The first time I saw Manyo was at All Nations church. He was there playing a keyboard with a smile on his face . I saw him move his fingers on that keyboard with talent . You always made praise and worship at SFC fun with the old Piano which you always played . The preaching and the encouragement you gave us shall always be remembered .There are things that make you unique your smile, jokes and your piano melodies . Please continue carrying that SFC flag everywhere you go . We shall miss you Manyo !

To Prissy:
Our friend ,and my mother . She was my mum and part of our crazy family here . We shall never forget her contributions to SFC . You when you go to SFC on a freezing friday and you see her make jokes make ,you smile and make you feel at home . Prissy's famous photo was the one she took with Paul during the winter camp in Moscow . That is how memories are supposed to be , full of smiles and laughter . Remember that you have a huge assignment ahead o, let that SFC spirit glow and grow in Lesotho as it did here.We shall Miss you Prissy!!

To Paul :
Hahaha ! I cant help it but laugh! You were part of my crazy family but I am not sure if you are my Dad or my grandfather because Vitu and Prissy didnt explain properly . These last few weeks at SFC were crazy , you know why ? Every time you saw me the first thing you would ask is " where are my samoosas?" . Paul no hie or something but that would be a question I would get till I silenced you with the samoosa. You were one of the best translators SFC has ever had , it was one heck of a good job you did .SFC will miss you for that and your preaching but I will miss an escort back home and a companion.

To Solome :
Your are the reason why I became one of the best cake bakers . I am not boasting but Solome's advise that cold snowing friday helped me improve on how to bake my cakes. Its amazing how teaching people something can make them do something greater. I am thankful for that and for you being selfless, when it comes to recipes people are selfish but you taught me something I proudly do . SFC shall me those jokes you made with Edem and Josephine . Remember how you made Edem your slave on women's day ? That's a memory to cherish and laugh at .Carry that Selfless character wherever you go .We shall miss you !!!

To Josephine :
I cant believe we shall not hear Solome complaining of you bullying her . You were such a funny bully alright ! So the Jolof we had on the last SFC party is the last from you ? Your Jolof shall be greatly missed Josie . But hey I am not trying to say that we wont miss you , we shall greatly miss you .Remember how you hosted us in your room during the women's Day party ? We were all in your room trying to make ourselves beautiful and you did all you could , and you helped us with the make up and getting prepared . I think I can call you Josie the navigator because when you are told to lead something , you make sure that its done perfectly .Carry that all the way to Ghana and make people there know about SFC .We shall Miss you Josie!


To Vitumbiko:
" If you think my voice is terrible check your ears" , that's you assuring us when you sang on that talent show .I can say Vitu shall be remembered for being crazy and that spiced up SFC and made it fun. Shes always been my sitting mate in SFC and whenever we sit together we are explosive !You were like one of the mothers of SFC , partner in crime and just that person you would feel comfortable when you're talking to. Vitu , Yami and Christine were my elder Malawian sisters here at SFC, with you guys I had fun and I forgot that I am in Russia because all that Malawian madness and songs would be sang on our way home .SFC shall miss your Voice and a lot more .

To Christine:
One of my Elder Malawian sisters . You spiced SFC every time you there . The songs you sang and that voice shall be greatly missed .You were the first person who introduced me to SFC and that I am so grateful for because it could have taken time for me to know what SFC was about if you did not invite me along .That heart of inviting people to a religious gathering should not stop , it should be carried with you as you are going home and as you will work with the patients.I used to love the chit chat on our way home . Dancing in the road like kids , it really made me feel like a kid again .I will miss you and Yamie and Vitu because you guys are going home the same time and its going to be hard to get used to the fact that you guys wont be there .SFC shall miss you!!

Rolling in Bed ,laughing myself to sleep
How did I get myself here ?
Perusing through this book of thoughts
Its pages filled with unexplained ecstasy
You're every man in the world
You're my fantasy , My reality and my dream come true

This spark of your absence has set my heart ablaze
Nothing seems to quench the fire
An SOS to call the fire brigade
There comes the fireman !
Extinguish the blaze with your presence
Put out the fire in my heart with your touch

You are my cardiologist
Your love just gave me an open heart surgery
My heart beats differently because of you
Its rhythm so calm and clear
Your love leaves me numb like Novocaine
You are every man in the world

"Oh Lord !Here we go again ! He is drunk and now all the peace is gone.I wish my body was as hard as metal , none of those blows and slaps would penetrate in me " Wishes of an abused woman hiding in a closet.Every day she lives in fear of her life , the man she once knew and married has transformed into a monster .All that fairy tale is now a nightmare , he leaves the house with no money and food .He comes home drunk and asks for dinner , but where is the money for food if he did not leave any ? How can she earn money if he banned her for seeking a job?He beats her up like a boxer in a ring , who can help her ? shes a silent screamer.

"How I wish I would have a descent meal .How greatful I would be if I would not eat remains from other peoples gourmet.How long will this continue" Wishes of a hungry boy . Reluctant as the day breaks , what will he eat ? His parents can not afford to feed him and his other numerous siblings . Survival of the fittest is his motto , he moves in the street looking for something to silence his rumbling tummy.He wishes that those people who complain about eating the same food over and over would be thankful .
"shiii!This wont take long , lets keep this our little secret .If you tell your mother or anyone you and your mummy are going to die!" He says that a he unzips his trouser and pull down his pants.Mercilessly deflowering this poor child as she says begs him to leave her alone "Ouch !This hurts please!" she tearfully watches him penetrate..What can she do?She is so helpless and weak to defend herself .She tries telling her mother but she doesn't believe her little girl's story , she's ashamed and angry of her mothers disbelief.

I am lost in the shadow of my fears
Where can I find rest ?
How can I resist ?
Why is this thing feeding on my fears and growing ?
Why do I feel like I am sitting on a time bomb?

Should I call it a burden or a gift?
Can I ever get used to its pain or pleasure ?
Can I ever accept that its implanted in me & part of me?
Can I ever wake up and realise that it has abandoned me ?
Can I ever have peace of mind ?

Will people laugh at me ?
Won't they think that my sanity abandoned me ?
Won't I look like a black sheep?
All I want to do now to fly on the wings of a dream

Ingredients :
160 prescriptions of Pharmacology
500 multiple choice questions of Path Physiology
2 yellow books of Pharmacology
All lectures notes of Path. physiology
A bunch of lectures notes from Internal diseases
A couple of Russian compositions to narrate
a pinch of Hygiene

1. Mix 160 pharmacology prescriptions with 2 yellow books of Pharmacology . Stir Vigourously and add more time to the combination . Serve them In big Bowl of Tatiana and let it cool
2. Sieve the 500 MCQ of path. physiology in a bowl of lectures and simmer them for a while . When they have simmered at your required taste serve them in a bowl of Elena .
3.Fry all the Internal disease lectures in frying Pan of Yulia , remember to make sure that your practicals should be done before frying them .
4.Boil the Russian compositions together with a little practise and let it cool . After that serve it in a departmental bowl
5.Finally Grate Hygiene in a small plate .

Serve all these gourmet with a sweet dish of your credit book . Enjoy guys!!!!

That is the sound of a clock , ticking its seconds away . The ticked off seconds turn into minutes and the minutes give birth to hours . The hours accumulate and give rise to days . The days Unite to form a week and a week united with 3 more weeks to make a month . How time flies ! Exams are just a few metres away from me . Its like yesterday that I started 3rd year but now look , I am on the verge of starting 4th year . Now time to battle with the credits and get my stuff ready and prepare to fight with these 5 exams . When the battle field is hot the fight shall start with studying ,revision and problem solving it shall be Adios 3rd year!!!

Its just so weird to know I have been in this lovely city called St. Petersburg for 3 years now.Its only like yesterday I came to this place and emotions of getting out of this place blanketed me but now I am doing fine . No more calling home and say "Mummy I want to come home !" I am a big gal now , settled and have crazy friends all over me who make my world go round . I am actually quiet thankful for every friend who has lifted me up when I was down . Now this place is my second home ,well that is one thing that I never thought I would say ;)

To :All fighters who fought for their country
Who shed their precious blood to protect what was rightfully theirs.
All the women who waited at home with little hope of seeing their loved ones again
Who were the strength to the children who were scared .
All innocent souls who lost their lives in their homes due to the bombings
Everyone who suffered with no water and electricity in the temperatures below freezing point

This is for those who know their identity and for those who don't know what they are worth .The question right now might be who am I ?Well you are :

God's child (John 1:12)
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, He gave the right to become children of God. Christ's Friend (John 15:15)
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

United with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:17)
But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

Bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

A saint (set apart from God ) (Ephesians 1:1)
Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus.

Personal witness of Christ (Acts 1 :8)
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

The salt and the Light of the Earth . (Matthew 5:13-14)
¹³"You are the salt of the earth,but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. ¹⁴ "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.

A member of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27)
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Free forever from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2 )
¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

A citizen of heaven ( Philippians 3:20)
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Happy Easter !!!

~Thank you Clifford for the copyright~

Can you believe it ? A few weeks ago this place was covered in snow ,the wind would attack your face and make your cheeks red.The frost was so stubborn and sinister, it did not want to let go . Frozen the feet and hands were as you're coming from outside , no sunlight to give warmth to this snow infested place. This Photo was taken by Chiann outside her window , can you just see the beauty of winter ? It hides all the dirt and impurities .Spring is finally here, the time most people in Russia looked forward to because it means bye to those heavy winter clothes .Do you know that in Russia we even have the spring festival ? We do and its a holiday celebrated by everyone here . I must admit I enjoyed the holiday because it is time for me to put down my books and just sleep .Fresh fruits are back in season , strawberries and grapes are my favourite.They are so aboundant and cheap now , so I might as well enjoy them .One thing irritating about spring is the mud , its so annoying especially if you wear nice shoes and you go outside .Since the snow is melting we might as well endure .This was taken by me on 16/04/2011.

I once loved
Love so sweet
Love so meek
Love so strong
Love never wrong
Love so powerful it conquered me

I once loved
Loudly I shouted that I love you
Quietly & tearfully endured the pain you inflicted on me
Humbly accepted fate
Shyly smiled as I saw that face
Impatiently made mistakes
Stubbornly refused to be without you

I once loved
Loved the smile that made me weak
Loved the charm I saw in you
Loved the humility that you possess
Loved the person I saw in you
I once loved and still do

Dear Heart Keeper,
How time flies !Its just like yesterday I saw your face .Full of smiles and Laughter .Full of Joy and happiness .I look around with a chance that maybe I will see your face but its not there. We are now in different dimensions . Who can blame a person for wishing , for imagining that the reality being faced is just a dream .Wishes are what make us have hope in something .
My friend Uma once said :We have 2 hearts , 1 pulsating with blood and the other 1 pulsating with Love .Whoever own our hearts own our hopes and dreams.
All the hopes and dreams I had are not mine alone , they belong to us and we own them. We all have a full heart divided in two .All that we need is the other part of the heart to make it complete.Home is where my complete heart is , now I miss home .

Love Fafa
~4/05/2011~

waiting here for you to call me
For you to shake me
For you to tell me that its all a dream
Waiting near the dim light as the darkness covers me
So vile and so mean so quickly as it blankets my soul
Where can I run ? Who can I run to ?

Sitting here all alone , craving for that sweet soul
To come close and say everything is fine
Loneliness has attacked me with full force
My veins and nerves have been taken over by it
Waiting in this cold
wishing you would pass by and take me home
Tucking me safely in our arms
Am homeless

Been busy lately that is why I have not been able to update my blog , sorry about that . A lot of interesting things have happened this month . I am just so happy because this month has been full of fun , spiritually , academically .It has just been wow !! Yep this was part of my fun . That was a women day treat SFC Men had for us . That was great shocker for all of us because the men did a lot beyond our expectations. Yesterday we Divas had a meeting ..Diva ? yeah Diva with a proper meaning not just any other Diva .
D- determined
I- integrity
V- virtuous
A- aggressive (about what we want)

Yep that is the meaning . The thing I liked about it was that we just had that time which we spoke about a lot of stuff affecting out lives as girls surviving in Russia . We talked , joked and played games that we all lost track of time . we just wished it would go on forever . One of those topics we talked about was about trials and temptations . God can not give you something which HE knows that you can not achieve it . But sometimes we forget that HES looking down at us so the best is for us to look up . That part is indeed something most of us forget most of the times .

Stress , yeah that is one thing we all face time after time . It was interesting to share with the rest of the girls on how each one of us deals with stress . Its weird how some people deal with this thing called stress . The best thing to reduce and avoid stress is to let God be in control ,sometimes when we do things without asking for HIS control things and go wrong because we just act like a sheep without a shepherd .Another way of avoiding stress is to plan ahead and do things at the right time .

Have you ever gone on a date with God ? Wow that is was something I never knew and have never done before.Yeah just you and Him ,forget about everything around you . Just focus on HIM and HIS word and write it down .Pray , meditate and sing and spend that alone time with HIM .It can be outside or in a restaurant . Wow thank you girls for teaching me a lot of stuff which I cant explain , but the bottom line is . I had fun !! Thank you SFC DIVAS !!!

Head down as I watch my feet take turns punching the snow
I find myself in love racing the earth showered by the white blessing from the sky
Blistering winds hit my face as I Pursue towards home
Wicked winds swerve me back and forth but My heart shall still be strong
Sweet stabbing words try to penetrate my skull by I will never go wrong
I am not perfect but the feeling that am feeling is

Right now am soaked in your love and that's all I have
Picking up the speed as my heart races faster than my legs running after its pair
My heart misses its match which mingles with it
Faster as I go as My ribcage picks up pace to meet its source
All I want do is crash into your caring arms

That time of the year is here again . Radios playing the romantic love songs, shops increasing prices while other make special valentines gift offers .People are busy buying gifts for their loved ones while others have saved a good sum of money to take their spouses out for a nice exquisite lunch or dinner .Its all about the colour red and cupids in the air . Oh yes ! That time is here for real ! Others are even breaking up with their loved ones because they don't have money to buy a gift for them . what a shame !

Its just a single day but people end up showing extra love to their loved ones . Wouldn't it be nice for each day to be like valentines day ? That's 100% possible . Valentine can not be the only be only day to show someone that she is special , treasure or really loved .Understand this , I am not against Valentines day but I just think that it would be so nice if those people who do nice and romantic things on valentines day do that everytime . It doesn't mean that you have to buy roses every day and say "I love you" everyday . Being there for that special person and cherishing that special person everyday is good enough to make everyday feel like Valentines Day.

Well since love is in the air , so are break ups and heartaches on this day . Let me not spoil the spirit .Just continue this loving and caring spirit so that everyday should feel like today , thrilling and adventurous as well.I have my own valentines day plan with the boss !heheh so Happy Valentines Day people!!

Well yeah , the theme says it all . Everything this year started on a good note . I thank God for everything that has happened this new year . Its just been a few weeks in 2011 but things are moving smoothly . Second semester has started on a very good note after the hectic Microbiology exams and am glad that I am done with it . So no more microscope and studying the slides Yipeeee! Speaking about slides and microscope , Path Anatomy is done too . Shish! I will battle it 2 years from now so I might as well relax . Its good when you start a new year with no academic debt , am free yey!!
The white blessings from the sky are still falling on the ground . Its not as cold as it was predicted because we were told that it is going to be one of the coldest winter with temperatures reaching -30. So far the coldest has been -23 if I am not wrong.Brrrrgh! Cold and grumpy winter. The ground is all covered in snow hiding all the vegetation which makes this place look as beautiful as ever .
This is how my school looks in spring . so nice and beautiful and warm , You can even wonder if its still the same old Cold Russia .This place can be really cold and really hot . Now am just looking forward to spring , where are you when I need you! I just want to loosen these cold winter clothes and jump into simple summer clothes .

Well that's the new me in a new semester , same group , same classmates . But still the same old me . Time to strap my sit belt and brace for the drama and all the surprised which are installed for me .Still counting down and still running the race , a thousand mile journey starts with one step .

Have you ever traveled or drove at night in pitch darkness ? I bet most of us have . When travelling we use headlights to lead the way. The lights do not show us the final destination but they only shine a few feet away from us .

Hope is frail but hard to kill

I have been looking for it . Is it just hiding deep down my cranium ? Did it sink in my heart ? Was it just metabolised ?I am still confused and I cant understand , maybe somebody stole it away from me . But can it be stolen ? No I dont think so !
Some people are wondering what happened , well maybe time comes when we have to loose it . Where is it ?Please come back to my head !