Birth Beauty

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She laid there in agony wishing the pain would go away . She had high expectations, hopes and everything ready.She just wished the pain would go away , the more the pain came the more the expectations increased .At 11:30 am it finally came , It was a girl !!She held her tiny bundle of joy and smiled as the baby kept quiet after crying for a long time.That was my first experience in obstretics , am just looking forward to more amazing Mother-baby experiences. I am getting there!

You

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Am going through depression, stress not to mention
You did me dirty ,left me in the dark
Impregnated me with hope which gave birth to broken dreams
But I see you ,wish I knew

You see me sink yet you don't think
Am drowning in sorrow like there's no tomorrow
You lifted me up and let gravity take over me
Am down and weak

You Had me feeling for all the things you offered
Got me mesmerised and Hypnotised
You had my feelings in your hands
A puppet master you are

Back to the Past

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25th April 2009 , will I ever forget this day ? Will memories about this horrific day sink?Let sleeping dogs lie they say , but will this hound ever sleep or lie ? I was just called today by my Dean of faculty to explain what happened on 25/04/2009,I was shocked !Seriously!? Why should I be impregnated by a nightmare and give birth to fear which will always be part of me?

I am going through memory lane , trying to remember what exactly happened on that dark day . Up to now I can't believe that I was attacked on my way from class around 12 am . Its shocking that incident happened a few metres away from my hostel.Unfortunately the camera shifted another side the time the event was taking place . When those 2 criminals did their deed and made away with my phone , I felt like some piece of me was ripped off . I wasn't myself and I felt like it was a dream .I remember the guard trying to rewind the video tapes from the cameras but all that they saw were 2 men running away.

I was lost in time and space such that I cant believe that hysteria took over me to an extent that i seized because my heart could not handle the pressure that had happened to weary me .I am really thankful for the people who helped me and called the ambulance .You know sometimes you just walk past some people not knowing that they will be the good Samaritans who will pick you up when you are down .Its all coming back to me , the pain that I felt when I was resting my weary body in bed.The fear that blanketed me and penetrated my thoughts, I felt like a kid who is scared of a bogey man in the dark .

I remember how hectic the next week was , writing police reports and explaining in Russian what really happened .Its funny if I come to think that I was in 1st year and my Russian sucked then . Going through the mugshots at the police station , wow that was just like C.I.S St. Petersburg . I was with my old buddy and partner Chiann.Its crazy how sometimes I would ask her to see a mugshot and identify the guy if hes the one who smacked the wax out of me .I would ask her as if she saw one of the men who beat me because my eyes were confused. So many mugshots of people at the police station , some were lost kids , drunk and picked up by the police , hookers and even drug dealers .
The Fast and the furious Piskarevsky drift was also that day . We were moved from one police station to the other to make a sketch of the criminals.Poor Fafa could not really remember those 2 heartless criminals. I was really stressed plus the non-stop headache that I started having .Its all coming back to me , I tried burying it but its part of me and that is one of those things which I can not let go .I guess there are some memories that can not fade and some people you can not forget no matter what you have gone through.

Home

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That was the sign that Welcomed her on her first day there. All nervous and not knowing what will come of this day she just prayed in her heart to God for His guidance . Walking Past the corridors , there was this sinking feeling in her . Will she be good enough ? Will she be able to survive the storm ? Will she be able to face the coming obstacles ? There he was with a welcoming smile ,teaching her how to go about . She felt happy and relieved, the sinking feeling had vapourised .He was her mentor and her Role model."Will I ever be as successful as him ?" She asked herself as she saw interns coming in and out of the exam room consulting this middle aged man for important opinions.

"This is going to be a long day indeed" She thought as she was pushing the ECG cart to the storeroom after she learned her first ECG procedure . She felt it , it was growing in her and made her fall inlove with her future.Interns kept pooping in and out of the exam room , she just wished that she was going to be one of them soon .She now got used to this familiar face that was popping in and out , she was all alone and needed a friend . The lunch break was short but it felt long because the next person sitting next to her was loneliness.The first day ended after a few medical exams after lunch time .On her way home she was so relieved that her day was over and was looking forward to another day filled with new things to learn .That girl is me! On my first day at Kamuzu Central Hospital .

People say home is where your heart is , although I am back in Russia my heart is still at KCH. I miss that welcoming sign that would tell me that I am home away from home , I miss that guard who got used to me and would smile at me every time I would enter and leave the premises .I miss the blue painted long corridor that would lead me to a different world .I miss the nurses who I would crack jokes with everytime I saw them .
Mostly I miss the friends,the ones that encouraged me in a way that nobody would understand . Friends who would separate work from pleasure making sure that I was inline when it came to patients and I was that crazy jumpy girl when we were hanging out together at African Cafe. I miss the jokes that we would crack on lunch time when we would make a circle and sit there.I miss the feeling and that friday fever of wanting to finish work and then just go out there and have fun after the stressful week has bid goodbye .I miss being part of the new family that accepted me as their sister .Days will soon turn into weeks and weeks into months and then I will be there again! Home again !!!




Prayer of the lost princess

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I have this sinking feeling ,
My thoughts perveted and confused
Filled with anger and pain.
Am Left but why does it feel right ?
Am flirting with death and am sleeping with death.

My thoughts, my ways , my mind all corrupt
Am supposed to be your Princess
Am supposed to live like You
Am lost like a silver coin
Wandering about like a prodigal son
Take this burden away from me .

Fill my soul with purity
Wash me to be as white as snow
Resuscitate me and bring me back to life
Protect me under the shadow of your wings
Touch my heart Lord !!



Back!!!

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Thats right ! Back to waking up and wishing that I would throw my phone through the window ( I cant do that !!!Am I insane ??)Back to wishing that I would freeze time and sleep peacefully like a baby in the arms of the mother .Back to studying and doing homeworks ..Tests , Multiple choice questions as well as practicals are part of the ride ...Back to wishing that I was home living a merry wonderful life with my family and friends ..Back to wishing summer was here :)
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