My dreams

Goodbye my heart
Is leaving an art ?
Why should we be apart ?
Its never the right time to say goodbye
Deep in thoughts you still lie

Your face kept  in the album of my heart
covered and embraced by memories in  my heart
My  body and mind feel apart
The smile that made me melt
Your hands no longer felt


This will take us to a destination
No need for procrastination
Waves of trials will blow us away
Pain can not make us stay
The winds will blow away the dark cloud of pain
The sun will shine again

Maybe we will meet again
Then we will have something to gain
I dont know where
I dont know How
But I know that we will meet again

You know when you are young and all you wish is to grow up?When I was young I never really understood when my mother would say "Faless embrace your childhood my dear because when you grow up you will be wishing you were young again"  I am just 23 but now I wish I was young again.I used to think that growing up was awesome because of all the freedom that youre given.For instance. Wearing whatever you want,Going to bed anytime you want,have your own money and buying whatever makes you happy .The list is endless! I used to think growing up was the best thing that happens to all of us after being born ,I was wrong .As they say with great power comes great responsibilities .Now am responsible for everything that I do or plan to do!I am held accountable of any mistake that I make .

I remember being young and the things I would think  and worry About were school,not messing my clothes during play time so that Big Sis Naomi would shout at me since she was older and took great care of me .School used to be another nightmare ,I used to admire when mum and Dad would go to work because I thought that they were better off than I was since they had no homework and punishments for  their mistakes.Boy was I wrong!Working means that you have to report to work everyday and if you have that annoying boss who hates you and does not appreciate whatever you do it means that you have to exercise patience.Medical school has been one hell of a journey but I can not say that i did not have those moments which I would skip class because I was lazy or cold to beat the freezing Russian temperatures during winter .


I am all grown up now !yey?!Nah i wouldnt really celebrate because the only person who can take charge of my life apart from God is me!Yours truly !Sometimes I have to make tough decisions which affect me positively or negatively.If it is a bad call then I have to learn a lesson from it .I have made a few mistakes in my life because of my choices in the guys that I dated,friends that I made or lost   . When Life hits me with surprises that make me question my judgement. I start thinking about how hard growing up is ,How tough it is to face a difficult situation.This depresses me , I cant say that I dont sit down and pout .I do!I cry and then when am done crying i try to think straight.I did not get the memo which said growing up is difficult and its filled with responsibilities ,pain ,mistakes.How I wish that I was still young so that I should not face some of these problems ,instead it could have been mum and Dads responsibility to clean the mess up for me .Well thats part of growing up I guess .

That moment when it finally hits you unexpectedly .There is that feeling of being reborn & dying several times like a cats 9 lives.That feeling that there is something new that is manifesting in your heart .The feeling that makes the weak strong ,the anxious fearless .

When that feeling takes over you things in your life become different .The colours are so beautiful,the  sense of smell is hightened .The feeling that makes you feel superhuman, a conquerer ,a warrior and a fighter.A feeling that brings a balance between being soft hearted and weak hearted ,  between being a risk taker and a coward .

That feeling that is not about focusing on yourself  anymore but someone else. We have all gone through that and some of us continuosly go through that.The act of giving your heart to someone inspite of knowing that there is a chance of them breaking your heart .Love is a risky investment , its about opening the doors of your heart that were safely locked and carefully guarded.Its about tryin to let a person into your own world ,to know your fears,dreams & hopes .

Accomodating another person in your life ,to allow them to see who you really are .To remove that facade that we all wear out there but then when  we are inlove we try to strip that off .There is always that need to want to know more about their life , habits ,character .When they are not around its like some part of you is missing .Everything that you do when that special person comes in your heart reminds you of them.No matter  how far you are from them only the memories make you have hope of seeing and being in their arms again.I dont know if some of you feel this way but that is how I feel when that feeling takes over me ,when that feeling runs through my veins .The feeling that comes naturally,the feeling of love .

Its me , back again.back in action!Well it seems like lately i have not been keeping my promises about keeping my value leaders posted about what is going on .My laptop has been down for a while so that has been making it hard for me to keep you posted.

Hmmm where can I start from?I am in 6th year,yipeee!!It has been one heck of a long journey.Lots of experiences as I  travelled this journey through medical school in Russia .Russia has been my home for 6 years and it has taught me alot of things .I will surely miss this place , Maybe alittle! Hahaha
I am strapped and ready to finish this short race ,with Gods guidance I shall make it .

I went home for a summer vacation.Every summer holiday has its own adventures and experiences.This summer I finally met Hanna , one of my besties.It was such a wonder experiencing meeting her since we always connected through facebook and whatsapp.This summer has also opened my eyes to see who my true friends are .Some people come in our lives just to use us and leave ,such people are not worth it .Talking about flings ,hmmm its sort of complicated but  i did meet this charming guy.Trust me it wasnt an infatuation, i really like this guy but there are some issues standing in our way so  I just left it to the Author of every love story to handle it .Viva summer love!

Nothin is better than family time .I enjoyed my summer although it was  short because of  work .I was doing my practicals at Kamuzu central Hospital.I love that place so much , its exciting that next year I will be officially working there!With my job , it wasnt easy to spend time with my family but i cherished every moment .For those that I never visited I am  so sorry there is always a next time .I will explain everything in detail .Ciao for now!!

Picture this , you have that friend of the opposite sex that you are close to .Your friendship has survived for some years and has gone through alot of trials and tribulations . I bet every strong friendship goes through that and its the trials that makes the bond you have stronger .In all that feelings start arising and you can feel it , what should you do ?
Should you tell you friend how you really feel about them?

Well this question has got two answers that confuse most of us .Lets start with yes ! Yes tell them how you feel !Life is about taking risks and trying isnt it ? Do you want to keep all those feelings to yourself and let them consume you?Its better to let the feelings out so that those awkward moments should stop messing with your thoughts .What ever your friend says should not make you question yourself about the deeper meaning .Letting your feelings known to your friend will help you know whether you can  be comfortable around them as a friend or as a lover .In every force there is always an equal and opposite force acting against it  so you should expect either a positive responce and a negative responce that can affect your friendship.

So this comes to my second answer , heard of the saying that :Let sleeping dogs lie ?That saying is trying to  tell us that some issues are better left untackled , some feelings are meant to be kept to ourselves to avoid affecting your friendship in a negative way. What if you tell him how you feel and he gives you a negative responce ?That would hurt wouldn't it ? That would  also make you have a gap in your friendship and things would be different especially if you had strong feelings for him and had a lot of hopes.

Sometimes its better to just remain friends because  relationships end sometimes and that can affect your friendship . Well all I can say is that love and friendship are unpredictable .You can keep feelings to yourself and then later live a life of regret as to why you never said it , or you can regret ever telling your friend how you felt  about them . In all this , risks are there and whether you plan to partake in that risk taking process just remember that  no matter what you do, do what you shall never regret or shall never affect that strong wonderful friendship that you have .

Minute after Minute
Hour after hour
Day after day
As time passed by
Been  born and dead several times
More than a cats 9 lives
But in all these lifetimes I was never content
I was never Complete





 My heart beat fast
Colours faded
Sweet smell of roses never made sense
The loneliness was intense
I knew there was something missing
There was no sense in weeping
All along it has been you


I have been holding my breath right from the start
Waiting to exhale if I ever meet you
I knew that one day I will meet you
I have died every day waiting for you
Because I have loved you for a thousand days

As we grow up we tend to  realise that we live on borrowed time . Time is against us , we think there is still time to do something that we were supposed to do long ago . Most of the times we forget that time is on the loop .There people we have hurt who we haven't apologised to.The people we liked that we never thought to show them our feelings . The relatives and friends we took for granted because we were busy with our own affairs to realise that they are drifting away .

I have come to realise that things change abruptly without any warning signs . People who were close to us can leave and then we have no opportunity to show how much cared for them . The people who we had feelings for move on and we have no chance to tell them how we felt  about them .I see so many things change around me , some of the friends that I thought will always be there for me are drifting away . The person who I had   no courage to show  him how I feel is not always going to be around . The people I turned to are not there anymore .

Its not always going to be how I anticipated but now its all becoming vivid to me . Time is against me , the plans that I made for the future keep alterating . But I have realised that its not only the people I care for that are changing , I am changing too . The society and the environment is shaping me to a different person . My faith is helping me change for the better and see things on a different perspective . God gave all of us time on earth , not all of us will live that long to undo the wrongs that we have done . We never know when we shall kick the bucket and say goodbye . What is needed is for you and me to open our eyes and see that things are moving on the fast track. We need to be inline , make every day special for the people around us .

Go left or go right ? Take a turn or go straight ? Fight or give up ? Stay or leave ? To be or not to be ? To win or to loose ?

 Too many things in life that require us to make choices about . We do not always make the right choices , sometimes we  wish that we turned back the hands of time and made a different choice .
Its hard when you are standing on a crossroads to make a decision .

What if I make a mistake ? What if that is not what I want ? what if its the right thing to do ? Won't this choice have a consequence that will leave me wishing that I had made a different choice ? Those are the questions that keep popping in our heads  when we are on the verge of making a decision .

Its the choices that we make that determine who we are , we are the products of our choices . They might be hard to make but we have to make them anyway and live with the result . We have to make mistakes sometimes but that is what will help us  see things on a different perspective . Choices are part of growing up , remember when you were young the choices we used to have were whether we can have ice cream or cookies for dessert ? That is different now , the choices which we make now are those that we shall live with .

We are living in a world that is constantly changing .Change sometimes happens when we least expected . That friend you used to have and trust can now be you enemy . That  lover you used to cherish , can now be that person who you used to know . That parent or sibling that you used to be closed to , can now be someone you rarely  talk to . I guess its all part of growing up .

 I have had changes in my last this past year  and trust me sometimes I wonder why things have taken a different turn  . That friend I used to trust is now someone who I cant even say hello to or look into her eyes .Sad isn't it ? Friendship between girls can be broken due to loss of trust , betrayal , misunderstanding . One of the worst reason that you can loose a friend is when there is a guy involved . You can loose a friend because you think they have something to do with your broken relationship , it happens and things always turn out ugly . Your friend can be put on a tough spot to choose between you and the man shes in love with , tough call huh ?

That roommate that I used  to think that I was going to graduate with is now home . Sometimes life just takes an unexpected turn and things come crashing right in front of you . In my course  we used to be 4 Africans , we used to think that all of us are going to graduate together  but hey  its different . Only 2 survivors in this tough war , that's what change can do .Well I got a new roommate and shes amazing , that's change too !

That sibling that I used to be closed to , is now someone that I rarely talk to . Its a drift and it seems that the gap keeps widening and as far as am concerned  this gap will get wider as time goes . sometimes you just don't know  how things will turn out but all you need to do is try to stand up and fix the situation rather than letting time take its course .

I am in 5th year in medical school , that is change too ! Its just like yesterday that I started medical school here and had no idea how things would be and how far things would go . I am thankful to God because its by His Grace that I am still changing and evolving into someone  different . A lot has changed but there is one thing that hasn't yet changed about me , that prince passion  is not here yet .Well the best to do in all situations is to stand  up and learn how to adapt to that change .

The cold breeze that is going in my nostrils in this cold weather . It doesn't  matter  how cold it is out there . All I can smell and feel is freedom . Yes ! I do sense it , its taking over me and has metastasised in my system . That feeling of not touching a book in a week is what we all have been looking forward  to . Those sleeping debts shall finally be paid . What a relief !
5th year  is half way now and am glad things are going smoothly. No debts to clear , the credit book is finally closed ! Those long tiresome bus rides to go for that deserted psychiatry hospital in Narvskaya and to Vasilievsky island for pediatrics are finally over .Second semester bring it on!!
I am thankful to God for giving me enough wisdom and strength to pass all the 5 exams and cross over to the next semester . Well , Dear Jesus  I started with you and am gonna finish with you . As you aleady said , my latter shall be greater than the past !

Procrastination is something  many of us  have  done  once in a while . Its One of the reasons why I haven't  blogged in a very long time . I want to start saying that I am very sorry for letting my readers down . I promise that I will change because I didn't Blog a lot in 2012  . Here is the great news , 2013 will be different . A lot of things have been happening and I haven't had time to blog about them . Your girl is growing up and I know all of you my beloved readers would like to know how things are so I will keep you updated .
Love Falles