My dreams

You know when you are young and all you wish is to grow up?When I was young I never really understood when my mother would say "Faless embrace your childhood my dear because when you grow up you will be wishing you were young again"  I am just 23 but now I wish I was young again.I used to think that growing up was awesome because of all the freedom that youre given.For instance. Wearing whatever you want,Going to bed anytime you want,have your own money and buying whatever makes you happy .The list is endless! I used to think growing up was the best thing that happens to all of us after being born ,I was wrong .As they say with great power comes great responsibilities .Now am responsible for everything that I do or plan to do!I am held accountable of any mistake that I make .

I remember being young and the things I would think  and worry About were school,not messing my clothes during play time so that Big Sis Naomi would shout at me since she was older and took great care of me .School used to be another nightmare ,I used to admire when mum and Dad would go to work because I thought that they were better off than I was since they had no homework and punishments for  their mistakes.Boy was I wrong!Working means that you have to report to work everyday and if you have that annoying boss who hates you and does not appreciate whatever you do it means that you have to exercise patience.Medical school has been one hell of a journey but I can not say that i did not have those moments which I would skip class because I was lazy or cold to beat the freezing Russian temperatures during winter .


I am all grown up now !yey?!Nah i wouldnt really celebrate because the only person who can take charge of my life apart from God is me!Yours truly !Sometimes I have to make tough decisions which affect me positively or negatively.If it is a bad call then I have to learn a lesson from it .I have made a few mistakes in my life because of my choices in the guys that I dated,friends that I made or lost   . When Life hits me with surprises that make me question my judgement. I start thinking about how hard growing up is ,How tough it is to face a difficult situation.This depresses me , I cant say that I dont sit down and pout .I do!I cry and then when am done crying i try to think straight.I did not get the memo which said growing up is difficult and its filled with responsibilities ,pain ,mistakes.How I wish that I was still young so that I should not face some of these problems ,instead it could have been mum and Dads responsibility to clean the mess up for me .Well thats part of growing up I guess .

That moment when it finally hits you unexpectedly .There is that feeling of being reborn & dying several times like a cats 9 lives.That feeling that there is something new that is manifesting in your heart .The feeling that makes the weak strong ,the anxious fearless .

When that feeling takes over you things in your life become different .The colours are so beautiful,the  sense of smell is hightened .The feeling that makes you feel superhuman, a conquerer ,a warrior and a fighter.A feeling that brings a balance between being soft hearted and weak hearted ,  between being a risk taker and a coward .

That feeling that is not about focusing on yourself  anymore but someone else. We have all gone through that and some of us continuosly go through that.The act of giving your heart to someone inspite of knowing that there is a chance of them breaking your heart .Love is a risky investment , its about opening the doors of your heart that were safely locked and carefully guarded.Its about tryin to let a person into your own world ,to know your fears,dreams & hopes .

Accomodating another person in your life ,to allow them to see who you really are .To remove that facade that we all wear out there but then when  we are inlove we try to strip that off .There is always that need to want to know more about their life , habits ,character .When they are not around its like some part of you is missing .Everything that you do when that special person comes in your heart reminds you of them.No matter  how far you are from them only the memories make you have hope of seeing and being in their arms again.I dont know if some of you feel this way but that is how I feel when that feeling takes over me ,when that feeling runs through my veins .The feeling that comes naturally,the feeling of love .