My dreams

"Fafa can you hear me ?Are you okay ?"They  both asked me as they wheeled me back from theatre.  These were the first voices that I actually  remember  hearing as  I woke up from the anaesthesia  .
"Help me !!Am dying!It hurts"I said  it in agonising pain . The light  made my eyes hurt .It felt strange and hazzy , it must have been like how those blind men had their sight restored by Jesus .
I dont remember how the anaesthetist  woke me up after i was closed up , I dont even remember going to the recovery room before I was sent  back to the surgical ward.

The pain  was unbearable, its the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life. I have not gone through  labour  but because they say labour pains are the worst kind of pain a human being can ever experience  .My throat hurt everytime I tried to speak or swallow saliva,I bet because of the endotrachel tubes that were passed down my throat to help me breath when I was under the General Anaesthesia .Everything in me hurt and the pain was  unbearable.

I didn't  care about anything else except the fact that I was alive. Everything had changed from that moment . I was weak , helpless ,  in pain ,drowsy  as the nurses wheeled me to my room with Luminya and Prudence  following me.It was all like a movie. I Woke up from the sedation feeling  better  and still drowsy, most of the things that I thought I saw  were actually Hallucinations .

I was not allowed  to eat that day since no one is allowed to eat post  bowel surgery. The next morning which was Day 1  I started to taking fluids, my throat still felt sore but I was glad I  was eating  again .When the wound was exposed I was shocked seeing the  incision.Oh no! This cant  be happening!Why is it big? Is this how my patients  felt the first time I exposed their wound?

Getting out of bed the first day  was painful , I felt like my stitches got pulled when I sat upright .I thought that I was being tortured  when the Nurse forced me out of bed to start walking  to the bathroom . I  felt helpless, depressed , tired .It hit me , I was a patient, not a doctor  anymore. I was bed ridden  ,not the same old active and jovial person that  I have always been .Every night before bed I had to be dosed with something for the pain to help me sleep through the  night. 

Mum came to see me after she got a message that I had been operated on . I could see the tears , the love that was in my  mother's eyes when she gave me her first glance  after not seeing me for 9 months. I was weary , weak but  I pretended to be strong and brave for my mum . I felt happy everytime people came to see me and cheer me up . My unit came to see me , so  did my church friends and all my friends. My unit buddies like Davies and Nigora kept coming to check on me till  I was discharged  on the 3rd day . It has been one long journey and still going but this experience  made me see things on a different perspective.

 As doctors all we do is open up people and close them up , send them home and tell them to come for a review .We do not know how they feel afterwards  . When they complain we think that they are small bearable things that can be easily be dealt with by taking  pain killers but are there  pain killers for the mind?

When you are on the other side things are  different you become  helpless, the wound hurts and there is this physical  pain one experiences because the body has been tampered with .The emotional pain comes because  there is something  new on your body that you did not expect  . Now its 9 weeks since my operation and I can say that I am getting there , its  a process.I could cry every  time I saw my wound or whenever I was in pain but my friend Christine  kept encouraging me to stay strong because what I had was a battle scar to remind me that I  am a gladiator and I should be proud of  it. I am thankful for all the friends and family who took care of  me  , stood by my side and encouraged me...I  owe  you guys.