My dreams

Death changes everything , it makes me us reflect on the things which we do in our day to day activities . It  makes us see things which never mattered on a big picture perspective. May its the little things in life that do really matter .Loosing a loved one is very painful and I know most of us have gone through that at some point in life . You know when you hear the news that the person is no more , its like your world is falling apart.You start to ask yourself questions like , did I ever love him enough enough ? Did I spend enough time with him ?

I lost my Grandpa last year , the news of his death shocked me and made me a wreck. I know some of you will say , why? It was just your grandparent not your parent. Well , it hurt a lot because he was a very loving and caring grandpa that God ever gave to me . My mothers Dad , the one my mother  looked up .He was a father and a teacher .The last months of his life were painful because he was sick and as a medical student I knew that his life prognosis was poor .I remember telling my mother that we should expect the worst and she came to terms with it . I was filled with too much sorrow such that I was avoiding him , I couldn't bear look at him sometimes  because the disease really took a toll in his life. The Old strong man I knew was now pale and weak .

When my summer holiday came to an end , I came back to Russia and left him home with my parents .Came mid November his suffering was over , he left us and went to the Lord . That was the darkest moment of my life , especially due to the fact that I was all alone and a million miles away from home . Nothing in my life ever made sense , I never understood why it happened so fast though I thought we still have a little more time with him. Nothing that people said  comforted me , and I could imagine how my mum was back home . God is a true comforter because as time passed I started finding solace in His words , that took time to start making sense to me but it did . It gave me hope of seeing him one day unite and the best thing is , I will not see him suffer.
A year on and it feels like yesterday that  he passed away. I guess things will get better with time

IN LOVING  MEMORY OF THOMAS MOYO , A HUSBAND , FATHER , GRANDFATHER AND GREAT GRANDFATHER  WHO LEFT THIS WORLD ON 13/11/2011

9th semester is here !wow !time flies huh?its just like yesterday that i was in 1st year and startin my first class.what can I say apart from thanking the man upstairs for guiding me through all these semesters because to admit the truth , it was not easy .Through Jesus I excelled and  have the strength I need to face every semester here, life in Russia is not easy.Some of my classmates that I used to study with went home because of academic debts , some just left school because of lack of funds to pursue with the studies , some just had to quit and some even repeated some courses due to accumulation of debts.
well 5th year is here , and its exciting because it gives me the hope of  graduating one  day and to finally be called a doctor.That is going to be really exciting !5th year is not as tough as pipo think it is .Its actually  the repitition of most subjects which we had in 4th year and a little bit of continuation.Russian weather and school makes a very bad combination, its autumn and its oready starting to get cold .who would want to go class when its cold?We have to attend classes anyway and avoid having a missed class and accumulation of debts.Boring lectures like economics are a good excuse for a nice nap!Lectures dont care whether we are asleep or paying attention , as long as they do what they are required to do!hahaha

Leaving and walking past a clowd
A lot of things that I did and wasn't proud
With a loud mind but I cant think aloud
Hurts but I cant be around
Heart skipping beats but still pounds
Feeling deaf and cant hear a sound

It will require a lot of Morphine and other medication to heal this pain
I am not insane but antipsychotics I will need
Depression taking over me antidepressants I will need
A cocktail of medication to make me sane again
Incarceration I will need not to run back to you
Sedate me  and calm me down !

Yep! I am back! After a long holiday at home and some adventures , fafa is back !  My holiday was really awesome .I was glad I met my family members , old friends and everyone else.I am really glad that I was home . Every summer vacations has its surprises and drama .
I made new friends and they are very amazing .Well I guess friendship is something that is really hard to understand. I am really glad I made new friends that helped me to see the world in a very different perspective .I also lost some friends , its sad to know that the friends you used to talk to are not close to you like you used to huh ? I have lost some close people who used to be my very good buddies, sometimes distance makes people to loose contact and that loss of contact makes the bond between the two of you weak. Come to think of it , maintaining friendship is like having a flower in your garden , you need to water it frequently , remove weeds and apply manure .
I know some of you will ask about the knight in a shinning armour .Well I can say that prospects were there but things turned out differently. I am back to being me again with other complicated issues . Dont blame me ! I am human , we all have them .This time around I am making new resolutions about this crazy thing called love and am not that bitter.This is a long story too and I dont know if I will spill the beans , maybe !
Practicals ??Hmmm I did my summer practise at Kamuzu central Hospital. How I missed that place , hard as it is to believe but in a few years time that will be my permanent home.My  summer practise wasn't as intence as last year .I gues there are reasons behind it that I dont want to go in details, that information is sealed for now .I had lots of fun at home , I cant just blog about it in one piece but hey join the ride and remember : AM BACK!!!

 Yeah thats right ! Happy Fathers day to all fathers out there . Its not busy being a Dad .Over the years Ive grown up and noticed many things about my Dad that I never knew .Dads are strong , they support the family and keep our mums sane when things start falling apart.Most dads never complain about how stressful their day was or how naggy their boss was , they just shove it off and let go .Daddies will never show us that they are afraid of something  but will still walk with courage .In a pride Dadies are like the alpha male , they take charge and provide for us .
when I was little I used to be closer to my Dad than my Mum but now things are different .I have come to realise that its according to my culture , not all of us will think how we used to think when we were young . I can say a lot of wonderful things about these men but the bottom line is , if you have a wonderful father who cares and provides for you  be thankful to God .Other people have abusive fathers , alcoholic fathers , irresponsible fathers.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL FATHERS OUT THERE !!!

I am a fan of  the Nollywood actresses .These ladies need to be given a thumbs up for the great Job they do . Just like Hollywood actresses , our African Divas can also dress and also have their own personal drama's .I am not going to gossip about their personal lives anyway , maybe a little !

Lets start with Ini Edo  she is one of the best actress in Nollywood . Ini has it all !The looks , brains and talent .Ini's rise in the movie industry is so amazing because she started her acting career in 2000 and today shes one of the most successful actresses in Nollywood . Congratulations for your success girl!

One of Nollywoods most loved actresses , Oge Okoye!One unique thing about Oge is her looks .She looks like shes still in her early 20's and that is added advantage.She is also one of the few actresses who has a tattoo , most Nollywood actresses do not have tattoos . I think its some how linked to our culture .You go girl !

Mrs. Chioma Chukwuka Akpota  is another Nollywood sweetheart . I am sure most of us who watch Nollywood movies are impressed by her perfomance . Mostly when she in trouble or crying , it really feels so real! She puts those deep personal emotions in her act and that what I like about her movies .

 Dakore Egbuson Akande  is another hot happily married  babe .One thing about Dakore that makes her even look prettier are the dreadlocks that she has . They just spice up her looks  and makes her look natural .I haven't watched many movies by Dakore but  the few movies I have watched impressed me.

 That is Mrs Linus there .Stephanie Okereke recently tied a knot with her fiance in France . According to the  photos , it shows that the wedding was elegant.Wishing you a happy married life , do not let Nollywood activities make you loose focus on your marriage .Most of you know how she can portray in a movie especially as an elegant lady .Waiting for your new movies to entertain us .


 Omotola Jalade Ekeinde , also known as OmoSexy . Who can refuse that fact that shes sexy ? She is a wife who is happily married and has kids but shes still keeping it sexy on screen and off screen . Omo's movies will never let you down , she really knows how to play her role . whether as a village girl , a classy girl or a wife , she suits everywhere. Keep it up Omo! We love you!!

Have you ever felt like your brain is shutting down ? Like Its giving up on you yet you need to study and absorb a lot of info ? It seems like all of us once in a while wish we had a micro chip in our brains to just easily store the information other than spend countless nights studying for exams . Maybe that is why our brain is unique , it has a good sense of memory and can  store a lot of things as long as you don't over work .A computer has a processor , our brains function the same way a processor  does .

Talking about my brain , its shutting down right now . I can sense some rejection of the things am studying . I am loosing focus and I cant concentrate yet Dermatology exams are just a few hours away !Lord Have Mercy !

I can see it approaching ! No where to run and hide . Its that time I start having many  maybes , what ifs ? whys? There is  no escape from it . The best way is to get my arsenal ready and close to me . I am just like little David facing Goliath but hey David conquered ! I am victorious ! I know its gonna be a wild and crazy ride but it will be worth it .Patience and endurance plus a leap of faith will keep me going . I can hear a tik tok! tik tok! My head will be like a time bomb about to explode .Better get my gear ready to diffuse it  :)

'Hey ! Can you even see  me ?!' She retorted as  I walked away. ' Hey just look at me for once and then go and look at yourself in the mirror '  I kept ignoring her and minded my own business . She stuck around and followed me wherever I went but I still never cared . I did not have the courage to even listen to her or look at her .Why should I look at her and start having premonitions ? I accepted my cowardice and died several times before my death .

Days passed and turned into weeks , weeks gave birth to months  but she was still there . She watched me transform into a different being but never gave up on me  .Like an obsessed partner she watched me closely and tried to confront me ,my heart was made up and I was not going back !I rose and fell and rose and fell again like a toddler learning her first steps , in a distance she still watched me and felt sorry me . Why would she feel sorry for me when I was not even feeling sorry for myself ? 

Time came and I hit rock bottom , it all started making sense . She was not there to annoy me or be judgmental ? She was not quiter and gave up on me whenever I walked away on her . She never imposed herself on me or masked her true qualities inspite of being abandoned and left out cold in the streets .She still stayed the same , but I was emasculated by lies and the sweetness of deceit .

'Just take a moment , try to gain the strength and look on that mirror . Is that person looking back you really you ?' It touched me , the person looking back at me was not me . It was like looking a stranger yet it was my own reflection . She asked me to trace my steps back like rewinding a video cassette and see where I had slipped.Too many times I slipped but I always stood right back up and fought in what I believed in , but a moment came when I stopped caring .That was the time I made her my nemesis , pushed her away and stopped facing her . She was not the villain , I was because I feasting with my lies and vices .

'As long as you are here I will never leave you alone and be assured of that .I will always be here , it will be your choice to be close to me or walk away.I will never metamorphosise ,I will still be same ' she said that while smiling at me . I gave her a grin and took her hand .We are close today , in times of happiness or sadness she shall still be the same.It will always depend on me to take her with me or walk away .

Its true I wasnt done

Last time it was the SFC ladies who pampered the guys .A week later the guys also did what they do best for women's day I must say the guys did a terrific job. One thing I have learnt is to never underestimate these guys because they always come with surprises every year .I am out of the words to express how I really felt because I was overjoyed and speechless . My mind was blown and it was a night to remember because this year I had to celebrate it with new people that joined SFC. It is really nice to come close and just be me in front of my family .

Mark 1:40-41

Last Friday was really awesome ! The S.F.C divas prepared something for the men since Men's day was the day before .It was a wonderful friday , all men best dressed and the ladies glamorous and ready to serve.Different exotic delicious dishes were prepared to fill the stomachs of our special men . Remember , a way to a man's heart is through his stomach .I must say , we really got to the very core of their hearts !

Home is where my heart is

Sometimes I like to refer myself to a tree, I need sunlight , good soil , fertiliser and some pruning and weeding to grow.In the process of growing I go through a lot of problems , I have weeds that grow around my soil and distort my growth . I encounter parasites that attack me and use me as their host . With my nature some parasites are able to withstand me while others leave and go to other trees because they can do better off without me .

Dear Lord .

That's the feeling am having right now . I am so relaxed , free and lazy . Time to run around,do my controls and clear my debts is way gone . I am free like a bird !!Now i just need to strap in and study for this coming exam in operative surgery and then back to another semester :)

The air around was cold , the streets were empty like an abandoned town . The only sound she could hear was the sound made by her weary feet.It felt like she was the only person in the universe. Her feet continued moving her weary body to a place where she sat down to boost some energy.' How did I get myself here ?How did it happen ?' Many questions continued to pop up in her head but she could not instantly get the results like Google .

Its a new Year . Its time people say 'I will change this new year ' .People make many resolutions which they do not fulfill as the year comes to an end . As for me , I will still be me , the better me that I am turning myself to be . I will still rejoice and take refuge in the Lord . I will make mistakes and learn from them .I will try to move on with my love life although its not easy and that he left footprints in my heart . I will still smile at things big and small that are around me . I will still be your friend and render my ears and shoulder to you .I will still cherish the family that I have here in Russia .I will try to work hard to complete my exams and go home without debts . I will blog more than I did last year .That is a promise from me , what is in it for you ?